


Ember Island is a magical place, it can help you understand yourself

by stygianIronSword



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Gen, Right?, Sane(ish) Azula (Avatar), Self-Reflection, She's Getting There, Ugh, also no mental asylum for azula cause that was rlly dumb, also yeah she had a stress induced psychotic break but those arent permanent, bcz we all know that azula is the queen of ignoring her feelings, like half a year, like yeah right after her breakdown sure but zuko wouldn't leave her there cmon, no one other than azula actually appears is the story, one self-reflective moment in which she allows herself to process her trauma at a time, she's really lonely poor baby, takes place a couple of months post canon, they rlly did my girl dirty with those, we don't talk about the comics what comics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:43:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27177391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stygianIronSword/pseuds/stygianIronSword
Summary: Azula takes a little time to herself to reflect on all that has happenedread the tags guys. enjoy <3
Relationships: Azula & Ozai (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar)
Kudos: 12





	Ember Island is a magical place, it can help you understand yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all and welcome to my first ATLA fic!  
> Just a little (sad) piece about Azula reflecting on things and having a couple feelings™

Azula sighed into her cup. The tea was too hot. _Again_.

She set it down gingerly on the table and opted to gaze out over the beach while she waited for it to cool. Azula had never liked Ember Island. Well, maybe before, when she was too young and too unaware of the ways of the world. But by the time her family had stopped coming here every summer, she was glad.

Now, it was nothing more than a pile of sand and memories that unsettled her more than she cared to admit. She didn't really understand why it made her feel this way. Nothing of import had ever happened here.

She didn't feel this way about the palace, and so many things had happened there. It just...is what it is. She closed her eyes and leaned back, doing her best to visualize Royal Caldera City, with it's winding streets and beautiful architecture that she _never_ gaped at during the endless palanquin rides. The gates of the palace loomed large in her mind's eye, imposing and beautiful. They opened for her and she imagined herself going forward, into the courtyard and past the ornate doors into the palace proper. 

The tall ceilings had never made her feel small, not like this place. The dark, wide hallways with their many shadowy crevices had been her domain as a child.

Her's and Zuko's, though her brother had never relished in sneaking around as much as she had. And when he was gone, they were her's alone. Her brows drew together into a frown at the thought.

She'd been happy he was gone. Azula's brother had always been her lesser. She'd always known that.

Her mind drifted unwittingly to _that_ night. She'd watched from the stands with her Uncle. She remembered the look of terror on her brother's face as their father slowly narrowed the distance between them.

 _Stand and fight, Prince_ _Zuko_. Her father's voice was as clear as if he'd been standing in front of her.

But Zuko hadn't. It was his own fault. Father had given him an order, and he'd disobeyed him. Zuko had shown foppish weakness in a arena full of father's advisors, generals and nobles. In front of the entire court. Father had to show them the Fire Nation was strong, that weakness was not to be tolerated. He'd _had_ to teach that to Zuko too. 

And he did.

When her father's flaming hand had come down on Zuko's face her smile had slipped. Her brother was in pain, screaming, _burning._ Her eyes sought her father's face, but he was smiling. _Why?_

She'd chided herself then. _Why?_ It was a terribly stupid question. _Because_. Because her brother was weak and her father had no place for weak people. That was answer enough. 

She'd left the Agni Kai chamber then. Azula had her katas to run through. After all, idleness was weakness too.

Azula opened her eyes, shooing the memory away.

The beach was too tranquil. It unsettled her. The only sounds were those of the waves crashing against the shore. The chirping of birds. The whistling of the wind against the trees and the steep, volcanic fjords. It made her want to growl in frustration. 

_What good would that do?_

It wouln't change anything. Her brother would still be Firelord, her father would still be locked away and powerless without his bending. She would be just as confused and angry and _lost_ as she was now.

 _Lost_. Azula wasn't _lost,_ because Azula wasn't _weak_. Or maybe she was. Maybe she was, because if she had been strong, she would be the one sitting on the throne. 

_Firelord Azula_

She'd liked the sound of it, it had felt right. But if that was true, why wasn't she doing something _now_? She was guarded, loosely, but that wouldn't truly be an obstacle. Her firebending might be a bit rusty after a few months with hardly any practice, but she was still better than all of the _chaperones_ her brother had tasked with accompanying her to Ember Island. 

What was the point? Zuko had people now. The Avatar -who had laid father low, but still refused to kill him. She didn't understand that either- and his band of children. Azula didn't.

She didn't remember much of the last days of the war. It was all a haze, like her memories from early childhood, though it had hardly been a couple of months. People had told her what happened, in the days following, while she sat restrained in a straightjacket and unable to do _anything_ for herself.

What she remembered was feeling alone, so, so _alone._ She'd sent her advisors away, Li and Lo, her imperial firebenders, her Dai Li agents, even her handmaids. The thought made her frown. It had made so much sense then -they couldn't be trusted! Any one of them might have turned on her as suddenly as Mai and Ty Lee had- now she just felt foolish.

Her brother had come to face her. She'd know he would. He was predictable like that. 

During their duel, Azula never thought she could _lose_. No! She was _sure_ wouldn't lose. She never did, so why even consider the possiblity?

 _Except you did,_ whispered the traitor voice inside her mind. The one that sounded like her mother. She didn't hear it so much anymore, hardly at all, and she hadn't seen her mother's fantom face again, not since the night before things changed forever.

She shook her head from side to side, as if it would shake the voice loose from inside her skull and it would slip out her ear and away. She wished it were that simple.

 _Azula had lost._ She'd lost the second her eyes had landed on the waterbender, hovering at the edge of the arena. By the rules of any Agni Kai, an attack on a bystander would result in an immediate cease to the duel, and she should have been disqualified. She'd known that, but she hadn't cared.

The lightening had left her fingertips and headed straight towards the peasant girl. Azula hadn't expected Zuko to intercept it - she'd miscalculated _again._

_I've killed him_

Except that she hadn't, because her brother was proving harder to kill than she'd ever expected. He'd curled up on the ground with one hand clutching at his chest and Azula had been satisfied, turning her attention back to the girl. She'd chased her, relishing in taunting her, cornering her like the prey she was. Azula _had her,_ her fingertips were inches away from the girl's face. And then...

Azula sighed. Her eyes landed on the tea cup and she reached for it. It had gone cold. She didn't bother heating it up again, she didn't even like tea, so she set it down again and turned her face up to the sky.

She used to get angry whenever her traitorous mind forced her to relive the moment of her greatest failure, not anymore though, there was no use in getting angry, it only brought her more suffering. She drew her knees up to her chest and rested her her head on top. The sun was setting now, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink. He was beautiful, the traitorous Agni. Even he'd betrayed her. She let her eyes fall closed again.

She was supposed to be lucky, her father had always said so. He used to tell her she was Agni's chosen, because she had been born on the summer solstice, and the Sages had foretold a great future for her, great _power._ They had been right. Her blue flames were proof of that, she was the youngest to ever wield them, the only one in her generation. Zuko had been born on the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, he hadn't even shown his spark until he was six. And yet, here she was - _born lucky_ \- wasting her time on this miserable rock, while her brother - _lucky to be born_ \- ruled the Fire Nation. It was almost funny.

She wished her mind would just _stop,_ stop running over and over through the same thoughts, the same things that would never change because the past is the past and no matter how powerful she is, she can't do anything about it. Unexpected mirth bubbled up in her chest. It almost sounded like something her Uncle would say. Just... not to her...

Azula was alone now. She'd had people too, once. Or maybe she never did, not really. Were they really ever her friends if they'd turned on her so easily?

 _Fear is the only reliable way._ Her father had taught her that, when she was younger, before mother went away. 

**Author's Note:**

> comments save lives guys


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